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| THE BRITS HAVE A WORD FOR IT |
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THE BRITS HAVE A WORD FOR IT By: Jean Leedale Hobson As a stranger touring Britain by car there’s more than the ‘wrong side of the road’ to deal with—you’ll be longing for a Berlitz translation of driving terms and road signs. At the airport, head for a sign AUTO HIRE to rent a car. Paperwork done, the tank filled with PETROL, your luggage stashed in the BOOT (trunk), ease your foot on the ACCELERATOR (gas pedal) as you begin a memorable tour of this beautiful, historic island.  Signs on the MOTORWAY (highway) are bafffling: GIVE WAY replaces the familiar Yield, a DUAL CARRIAGE WAY means two-way traffic. REPAIRS TO WORN OUT ROAD – is more descriptive than Construction Ahead back home. A RING ROAD bypasses a city. But getting off a main road is a dizzying drive around a circle, especially if a A LORRY (truck) ahead is blocking the turn-off sign.
You’ve soaked up diverse scenery, visited awesome cathedrals and ancient castles; lunch beckons. Skip the familiar chains now invading this green and pleasant land, pull over to the KERB (curb) outside an old pub, perhaps KING & CROWN, veddy veddy British. It lives up to the brochures -- creaking floors, gleaming wood, old family portraits.
How about BANGERS AND MASH? Waiting for my host to serve your sausage and mashed potatoes, join the locals for a pint at the bar, or a game of darts or pool. Someone is sure to ask if you know Cousin Harry who emigrated to America after the war! But it’s eat and run, Robert Frost is nudging that you have ‘miles to go before you sleep’ . If, unfortunately, you need a GARAGE, (service station, pronounced ‘garridge’), don’t give the owner a D in spelling -- the sign TYRES (tires) is correct. At intervals on secondary roads a LAY-BY allows you to pull off and enjoy the view.
At dusk you’ve had enough for one day, that old white-washed inn, circa 1740, offers a tempting alternative to a major hotel and, yes, the genial host nods, there are rooms available. Bedrooms reek of history in the furniture and small-paned windows with lace curtains. Surprisingly, you find that ye olde inns will mostly have modern amenities. There’ll be a modern machine and supplies for late night or early morning coffee or tea in your room, and several small packets of BISCUITS (cookies) on a tray. There is always a blow-dryer in the bathroom, sometimes even an electric pants-presser in the bedroom!
During an afternoon break you may find a charming small cafe in a quaint village. On the table with white cloth, delicate bone china and silver cutlery, a pot of tea arrives with a variety of SWEETS (desserts) to tempt the taste buds. It’s a teaser choosing between hot, buttered scones topped with strawberry jam and thick clotted cream, or a chocolate éclair; perhaps a flaky cone-shaped pastry filled with sweet whipped cream, or a meringue glace , looking like a yo-yo with ice cream between the two parts.
WHEN YOU GO: Contact your local motorist’s club office to arrange return flights, and a rental car on your arrival in England. Make sure such necessary documents as a valid passport and an International Driver’s permit are current.
Carry traveler’s cheques in British pounds. Ask for road maps of Britain if available. If not, request them at the rental car office at the airport on your arrival. For information while in Britain, telephone the Tourist Information Centre in London. Or -- any local British Tourist Authority office along your route.
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You envision stage coaches disgorging dusty travelers for a much-needed wash and meal safe from lurking highwaymen.
By late afternoon you need a coffee break and use of the facilities. Just ahead is a welcome sign: COUNTESS SERVICES, Refreshments, Petrol, Toilets. But the name? Does a titled lady run the place, or is it merely a company name? You smile -- only the Brits would add a touch of class and grace to the most basic of human needs.
The morning meal included in the cost is no Continental muffins or croissants. If you choose a full ENGLISH BREAKFAST from the menu, it’ll sustain you through to dinnertime. Following juice and cereal (old-fashioned porridge if you wish) comes a huge plate heaped with eggs of your choice, RASHERS (strips) of bacon, sausages, fried potatoes and grilled tomatoes. Delectably defying the nutritionally-correct food groups – re tasty slices of crispy, fried bread. Forget the low-fat regimen back home and enjoy! When in Britain... you know.
There are alternatives to this mode of meandering along the backroads and byways by car. Trains spiderweb up, down and across Britain traveling long or very short distances; COACH (bus) tours provide passengers with an experienced guide; all overnight accommodations, meals and other services are someone else’s responsibility. But look what you have gained by daring to drive: the benefit of enjoying your own leisurely pace and the choice of sightseeing and stopovers, having the time to peek into the everyday lives of British people. You’ve learned a bit about their present and their past. And -- another bonus -- you’ve expanded your language skills with vocabulary variations.
Purchase travel insurance to cover the duration of your trip.